Our Story: 1st Quarter 2019

JANUARY

The NYE thing was weird and I don’t think I ever got the open and honest truth about it. You said you had to work and so be it. I am sure you did work. I wanted to spend it with you but I’m not sure what you wanted. I guess either to be alone or spend it with someone else. But by January 1 you text me and were apologetic bout how things happened and we smoothed it over. It wasn’t going to effect much in my opinion and it didn’t. I really wanted to be with you.

At this time we are having amazing sex, loving each other, getting to know each other more, talking about hopes and dreams. Still going on lovely dates. We did Dave n’ Busters and Litchfield Distillery, that same night Good News Cafe. We are public on social media. Its rollin..

Though we had the incident in January. I invited you to my house. It was the first time you’d come over and I wanted to cook for you. You didn’t show up til hours after the time we sent and also never even text or reached out. It is very disrespectful and rude. When you finally got there I was very upset, obviously. You were there for like 5 minutes and then just left.

You left my house and left my life with absolutely no regard. I should have let you go. You were really showing how you were not interested in anything of substance with me or truly with anyone. Maybe things scared you. Very likely things scared you because after that, everything changed.

It wouldn’t be til late January, the night of my first WES event in Stamford that I’d see you again and only that happened because I nearly begged you to meet me to talk. We meet, to talk, and you don’t even have any real reason for why your disappearing act happened. You’re really emotional this night and now I know why; The Ex. You tell me that night you think you might even join the military, I think Air Force… just to get away.

Honestly, how I see you right now is a very disturbed person. Not like a murderer but someone who is just so unsettled within themselves and almost tortured. I think you’ve had opportunities to be happy but your fears really sabotage it.

This night, late January is the first time I learned of the Friend. I had seen photos on Facebook back in September of you and her but I thought it ended and was history. She called you that night when we were together. What a mess.

FEBRUARY

You recently mentioned that you feel like it was round now that we officially started dating of being officially together. We had moved passed the January situation and were moving forward. I was staying at your house almost every night. You would tell me that I gave you so much peace. There were moments of true love and purity from me, and maybe you felt it too though you had so many skeletons in your closets.

We go to krust for superbowl and Rhode Island for a get away. It was truly really nice.

What I didn’t know is that the whole time you were seeing The Friend too.

I became very suspicious of her around the time we had the your photo shoot at Katia’s shop.

Look at us.

The problem with all of my memories of us is that nearly every time I look back there is a memory of another woman attached to it. That night, we stayed and hung out at Katia’s but you left me when we were having a great time to go meet up with THE FRIEND. I still don’t know why.

I began learning more about her and more truths emerged. At the same time you are still not over The Ex. You talk about her… often. All the time really. And it is sadness because you… I don’t know… because you lost her?

As things begin to emerge into the open about The Friend, we are still on an emotional roller coaster because of The Ex. At this time you are still deeply emotionally affected by her. At some point you want to end things with me because you need to work out your stuff.

This is TWO YEARS ago to today basically and I’m in love with a man who is going through a incredible about of emotions about another woman. You want to talk about her and your emotions with me constantly and I don’t want to. It feels like you do not appreciate me as the woman in your life.

One night you ended up at my house to I guess end things. Of course I didn’t want to end things. I will take responsibility for not leaving you at this time. I knew you couldn’t be with someone but I couldn’t let you go.

This is how that night ended. You came over very upset. You cried about what you were going through. I cried. We ended up at The Station. Both of us with poofy eyes and looking crazy.

There are so many things I will never repeat. This night we are dealing with all of your feelings from The Ex but ALSO the Friend calls and lets you know she isn’t pregnant. You told me so nonchalantly. I forgot this moment until right now. There were so many moments I should have just left.

God I loved you so damn much though. I was in a very hard place in my life at this time too. No job, no money. Bills are going unpaid. I’m not working enough. I’m slipping into depression. February, March, and April where horrible months for me personally. With everything going on with us I was also slipping away myself. 2019 and 2020 were incredibly transformative years for me. I will eventually look back and remember these times, hopefully, fondly as it was really time for me to grow.

We are still in February of 2019 when I come over to your house as we had a plan to go to Katia’s event at the shop. When I get to your house it is glaringly obvious that there had been a woman there. Long hair in the comb in the bathroom, hair ties in the bedroom, dirty sheets…

I confront you right before the event about it. You lie and say she was there, The Friend, just showering after the gym since her job is close. I’m not okay with it, of course. I told you that I am very uncomfortable with you letting her come do that and that I feel it is inappropriate for your ‘friends’ to be in your house like the especially since you two had a dating history. You seem to understand and we agree that we will move forward and you will put an end to letting her do that.

I’m trying to be as understanding as I possibly can about you and her being friends because I want there to be peace. That night though I new that there was more going on and I was not okay. Since we discussed new boundaries, I was hopeful we could move forward.

These are from that night. We went to Fortina after the event. Some how still managed to enjoy the night. We went to Karoke too. I met your friend Anna there. I had a very uncomfortable feeling about her too. I think my trust in you and feeling secure in this relationship was already being taxed and I had no control. This night as incredibly difficult. I knew from that moment that there was something going on but I just tried to move forward.

I think at some point in March we had the terrible night at Peaches when you were again sad about The Ex and I yelled at you. I’m sorry about that. I really couldn’t stand it anymore. Maybe it was around this time that you and The Friend really reconnected. I don’t know at this point.

Here are a few more memories in March. Generally, I was very happy with you. We’d have little adventures. It was fully apparent that we had a strong connections and could feel each others feelings. It was hard to feel your sadness for another woman.

That day was the first day we went to Dew Drop! That was fun. This one really makes me smile. I dunno… it is kind of a miracle that with all of the troubles we were having we were still able to have fun times and true great moments. That astounds me. Look at those two dorks. hahahaha I love them. All broken to bits on the inside and just trying to have a good time. Remember those cookies? Chocolate chip cookies with cheese cake filling!!!!! YUMMMM I will go ahead and make them again at some point, for sure.

Boss Lady Pitch was in March.

Look at us. For some reason it was a big struggle to get you to this event. I’m so glad you came and it made me feel very proud. Even when I think about this I should have seen that if you really wanted to be there or could, with a clear mind, come, you would have. I should have maybe left. Thank you for coming anyway though I know I forced it.

During this time you’ve now told me that you and The Friend are going to move forward with the food blog concept which would require you two to go to dinners, constantly. That was convenient. For you to still basically date her and see me. I know you would look at it like this but in reality… that is what was happening because you were still having sex with her too.

I really tried to look at it in a positive light. Maybe it IS innocent and maybe I can be respectful and hope that there is nothing to worry about. I really wanted to believe it.

I loved you so much. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to do more events like the above and show up and show out. Support you. You’d support me. I wanted the world for us and I was prepared to go to war for it.

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