I’m actually already falling in love with you now. You are actively courting me. I feel special. I feel excited. We have really fantastic dates. We may have done the station twice, I can’t remember now. We had a lot of fun. One that stands out for me was Flipside. I was very happy that night. We had great food, laughs, great drinks. Really easy and engaged conversation. I’m much more relaxed now and it felt like, what I saw happening in my mind with us was actually happening. We had the most passionate goodnight kiss that night. I hope you’d remember. It was so intense.

I remember that night you said you hadn’t felt the way you felt about me in a long long time. I felt the honesty in that. It’s moments like this when I just think… how could it go so horribly wrong when it was so true.

That night you invited me to your house a few days later.

It was December 4th, 2018. I remember that because I had an event that night so I got reminder on Facebook and what not. It just stuck with me.

It was a perfect night. You… were perfect. I even remember you sharing on Facebook ‘Some nights are studies in perfection.’ And… it was. You cooked one of my favorite meal, made my favorite cookies for desert with coffee flavored bourbon, you sang to me… Dave Matthews Band… I mean… I couldn’t have asked for anything better, and then, you made love to me.

It was perfect.

I spent then night. The next day I had an event in Stamford and ended up back at your place. That was the first night I realized I was officially in love with you. The night previously had time to settle into my mind and then this night showed me how much I just wanted to be around you and in your arms and also how our passion and connection could reach such heights.

I was done.

We saw each other more throughout December and it felt really really good though I could say this is when the discussion regarding The Ex began to take root in our lives.

I had visited my sisters house for cookie day when I saw a post on your facebook that showed that you two had planned to get together. When I addressed it with you when I got back you were very understanding and allowed me to express my feelings and concerns openly.

In retrospect you were likely still seeing or involved with her in one way or another. I told you then, that there will be no space for a new woman to be in your life if the woman/women from the past are still there. You understood and we brushed it off but I almost left you then and when I think back I made a mistake and I should have.

So much pain would have been avoided and had I left perhaps it would have allowed for us to have a real chance.

I remember spending time with you around this time and you’d be upset about her. Remember we went to that bar in Stamford and you were just so upset. I hated it. But I was already so in love I looked the other way.

I don’t know for certain if you even understand the damage that did when you think about how now, present day 2+ years later, she is still a topic we have to discuss. I am really upset with myself I stayed around. You should have taken time and dated someone else and figured yourself out.