Our Story: 2020 April – the month
APRIL
So we got back to ‘good’ somehow after the Mr. Waterbury debacle. Thank you for letting it go. Even when we went to Virginia, he text, completely randomly and you didn’t even care. I thought for sure that would be an issue but no, and that surprised me. I wouldn’t have been able to let it go. But I also have had a backlog of people to deal with in my experience with you.
At this point it is The Ex, who is still in the picture as she needs doctor’s appointments and blah blah, The Friend who even though she is in another state across the country, she’s still a factor, The Israeli, who I’m not certain isn’t a threat anymore or if there will be any ‘work trips in Boston’ and now… newly… The Coworker.
Trust is so badly broken and my tolerance is SO LOW that I can’t knowingly go into another scenario like I did before, so now, I’m protecting myself.
It was the anniversary of Mario and Amanda’s wedding and you went a little MIA. You had invited me to the range with them and I wanted to go. I think you went without me. I don’t know.
It may not me true, that you went without me. I think I remember that you went to the gym with another guy that went to Steve’s gym. I do not know. You called me, I loved you, so so much. I just wanted to move forward, just you and me.
Anyway, my suspicions were so high and I couldn’t stop them. That night you never talked to me again and I never heard from you.
I drove by your house in the morning and there was some weird car there. In the middle of a pandemic. Later you would say it was your Coworker…. coming over for a work out in the morning it was 7am. I still don’t believe it. I don’t know if what I don’t believe was what was going on with her, OR who was actually there…
Beats the hell out of me.
Later you said she came over early. You never reached out til 10 or 11 am and then couldn’t even talk til you went to get a cookie or something at Harborview Market. I do not know what you were up to but it wasn’t good.
I also don’t remember if it was before or after this, I believe it was before that I was at your house and woke up one morning, to you on the phone with a woman. A woman. I didn’t make a big deal, I do not know who it was. I heard you talking about cats, and calling her ‘babe’. Nah. Just nah… no. If you are with me, who are you referring to as babe?
You freaked OUT. Stormed up stairs, got of the phone, yelled at me, and ran away. You showed me on the phone that the last call was her so I guess it was. But why do you have that relationship with your Coworker???? Why… then to have the car in the drive way… like c’mon.
She’d call a lot too. I cannot say whether anything physical was happening or not, yes DESPITE the fact that she was married, who knows. I do not know.
What I do know is once I saw that car in your driveway I was done.
And I would have been done if it wasn’t a fucking pandemic.
The Ex was in the picture, The Friend was there, The Israeli was just fading out, then The Coworker was there and even a little sprinkle of The Teacher was there too…. so…. it was too much.
I did not want to be lied to anymore. My life was coming together and I knew I didn’t need this anymore. But COVID. I was scared. I needed you.
Around this time, I came to your house, brought all your things and broke up with you.
We didn’t talk for about a week.
Then I saw The Ex’s fucking facebook:
4/13 and 4/18……
What the fucking fuck…
She was there the whole time? You claim ‘May’ is when you were ‘helping her’ but… c’mon.
Was the black car her? If you had her, why still drag me along. I legit did not know….
If you had me, why did you need her?
I directly asked you… are you back with her or spending time with her.
You were just no no no… I don’t know why she’s posting those things…
I mean…. insanity. Truly.
You somehow help me believe that it is her just acting kind of crazy. You are the crazy one. I’m sick and putting myself around this.
Somehow we move forward. The problem is that constantly you want me to trust you or never question anything yet the only consistent thing as been you, lying about other women. Not even about anything else. You just lie to me about your interactions with other women. Why? You claim that our troubles are that I don’t let things go or I don’t focus on positive out comes. Fuuuuccckk thatttttt. I’ve never seen a good outcome with you. It’s always you and another fucking woman.
And I’m not desperate. Like you, when I bond with someone, it means something. But I know enough to heal and move on before I let that happen again and for SURE I do not let the old thing affect the new thing, and that… is why I am processing us in this way, so that I don’t ruin my future. Take notes.
At the end of April, we visit my sister.
I thought it was still fun to get away. You and I had our issues but honestly whenever I’m up there I’m happy. I was so happy to have you there with me.
April 29
You chefing it up in my kitchen. You were making the fortina pasta dish. I LOVED cooking with you. Either you cooking or me cooking. We had similar tastes and I don’t know it was bliss. I loved it. The meal came out great too aside from too much salt in the pasta. It was lovely. You went in for a picture of the food and I don’t know… all of the bullshit photos on The Ex’s social media had me so hurt I reacted very badly when you did that.
It just reminded me of everything from before…. I don’t know.
You left me that night. Went home upset. In reality you WERE with The Ex a LOT more than you were telling me at the time. I was right to be concerned.
And if it was nothing, you should never have lied to me.
It was all fucked. I want you understand that it wasn’t like I was just picking a fight for no reason. So much had happened to this point… I physically could not just sit and relax. I could not… and only more would come. Since this is only April… we haven’t even gotten to May yet…..