This recent accusation that I “withhold” pictures and lingerie from you, purposely is so infuriating that I felt the need to remind you of the factual history of me and you and wearing lingerie which is now complicated even more by this one photo I sent you.

The only lingerie I own, I bought for you and us. I never even realized I like wearing it and the whole process until I started dating you. Your enthusiasm for it empowered and excited me to also explore fun things I like and that you like and what I can purchase and wear, FOR YOU.

Below is a glimpse at the effort and energy and excitement that I spent and experienced while you claim, I’m withholding or I purposefully do not want to share this fun and sexy activity with you. It is false. The truth is, throughout our whole relationship, I’ve tried to lean in to this and play with you but for reasons only you know, you were absent. Either, you were with another woman, or the relationship was sabotaged by the time my new delivery of lingerie hoping to wear for you was delivered.

After today, I am done. I don’t care about this issue any more since, as you can see through the years…. I HAVE TRIED. I have tried and WANTED to enjoy this with you. At EVERY TURN, you have created a problem.

As you can see, back to 2019 I bought and took pictures for you of fun and sexy pieces.
You might say that the items I bought weren’t ‘perfect’ and weren’t exactly what you wanted but honestly, at this point, I recognize that no matter what anyone does, you will not be satisfied, which is a YOU problem, not anyone else. My whole point to buying things was to get things that we could explore TOGETHER, more quantity, and find what we like and have amazing fucking sex in the meantime…. but, not good enough for you.

This was March – 2019… receipts. No lie. only facts.

Bought it for you. wore it for you.

You didn’t like what I wore to lounge in bed. I traded with Katia to get a ton new bed clothes. Not lingerie, but sit. Got it FOR YOU, WORE IT FOR YOU, TOOK PICS, FOR YOU. You didnt appreciate it.

You complained because it wasn’t exactly the underwear you liked

Bought this. Cooked all day. wore it for you. You came and I surprised you with it and we did have fun but.. Right after this you let April move into your house… sabotage.

I bought this, for you to wear, for you. took pics FOR YOU so that maybe we could play with it. You were two busy with April. Later I found out that she SAW THESE PHOTOS…….. I can’t for the life of me understand how you do not even acknowledge the effort it takes to rebound after something like that…..

MORE

More things i buy for you, to take pictures, for you, to wear WITH you

When your other girlfriend sees it…

I bought this red outfit. It was before Valentines day. I would have worn it FOR you that weekend. Turned out when I was sending you pictures of this you were telling me you were ‘working’ but you were lying and were actually in Boston with the Israeli girl.

Yet, I kept trying.

Wearing it for you.
Meanwhile my life is falling apart at this time. Nov 2020. Doing my best to still show up and doing what you want, what we like… Unappreciated. You had other girlfriends.

I planned a get away for your birthday. I brought lingerie. I wore it. Right after you rage quit sex, because you were two tipsy, you left the room to go call another woman.

I had worn this. I took no pics, and threw it away since because FUCK That night.. and fuck all my effort.

Despite the fucked way we were in November, I still wanted to spend time with you in December. We go away to Virginia but you had covid.. you got from another woman. I brought things to wear but we didnt even do anything there, barely, since you were so sick.

When we got home, I still wanted you to see that I had the intention to wear some fun things and would have if you werent sick so I sent a picture of the socks, at minimum. I thought maybe it would perk you up a bit.

Little did I know, you had april with you in your home for the holidays….

IT WAS NEVER “i’M JUST DOING IT FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I FELT BEAUTIFUL”

I WAS DOING IT FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU

More time passes, again I try to order some new pieces. I’m feeling free to buy more things more often and try different looks. you send me these two girls and you like what they wore. So I found similar items and you just shit on them.

I get it, I could have dolled myself up and done better job of taking pictures but for you, it wasnt enough. It was ‘perfect’ so it wasn’t enough.

Not like, I don’t know, after EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, see above, you might want to … I don’t know, encourage me to keep buying more and having fun? Nope…

What you sent:

What I bought:

All this, always all of it, bought FOR YOU, PICTURES FOR YOU, PLAN TO WEAR….. FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

BUT, NO

Are you seeing a fucking pattern yet???

Of course this was right before my birthday. You ran away, again, with Amanda……..

Bunch of time passes. Trying to get some space between all the bullshit that occurred and start seeing you again.

Remember the “therapist” you were seeing. That whole story of more bullshit?

I’m waiting up for you to get to my house after work… Dressed like this:

Dolled up. Make up on… simple fun outfit

You fucking got to my house and some person is calling who is ….. your therapist. Or actually, April

She shows up a fucking week later!

Freeman, the audacity you have to play victim in this is … to use your words…. repulsive.

I still bought new things, and you saw the pictures.

Shit, I even tried to wear some for you in Brooklyn and had more to wear after.

Piles of lingerie that I wanted to wear for you.

That i bought, for you.

To your claim: “It could have been a fun, playful and adventurous thing” I tried. at every turn, it was thwarted by your sabotage.

You said its clearly not “I put this on for you Daddy”

Cleary, this is false…. everything here was about you, for you, and with you in mind.

This picture:

I wanted to look and see what was left of the lingerie, I BOUGHT FOR YOU, and try some things on, throw away most of it. I put this on and I loved it. As I’ve said numerous times now, again I think of you.

You had my number blocked

Based on what you’ve said before you cannot see photos I sent when I was blocked. That… was my expectation when I sent this. It served my personal impulse of sending to you. My thinking was that you’d see me send a pic, and maybe wonder what it was but you would actually see me in the lingerie.

I KNEW it would have been a lose/lose scenario for me or us if you DID see it…. so that is what lead me to say, I wish I didn’t send, I wish you didn’t see that.

I KNEW, at some point you’d claim that I was wearing it for someone else, or once again say that I never wear anything for you, or say that I only take pics or whatever false claim you want to choose at the time.

I did not want the drama. I regretted sending, only for this reason.

And I say that, and perhaps, I shouldn’t have. but its the truth. Because look at this fucking mess.

Year after year after year after year, I’m hopeful you can show up in this relationship in a way which is healthy and whole. Look at the mess that has been created since the day you disappeared. Look how much effort I put into trying to do the things you like, only to get shit on over and over……

How could I possibly be the one…. who is manipulating you? Controlling you? How…. the fuck??

I did not kill the vibe. I was the only one still holding on to it…
Lesson learned.

Please, stop.